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Paula's Journey (18+ Material)

This is a story about truth, love and loss...

I have been  interested in girl's clothes almost as long as I can 
remember, but it started to take shape around 9 or ten. I 
don't remember why, but I started to put my mom's stuff on. 
We weren't supposed to use Mom and Dad's bathroom, but with 
three other brothers and sisters, it happened. I had to go 
one day and while I was on the stool, I saw her hamper. I 
picked out each item, one at a time, looking and feeling. 
That is, until I picked up her panties. The smell was so, 
so warm and sweet. I think that was the first time I can 
remember getting hard about sex. I stayed in there smelling 
them until a rap on the door broke my dreaming. 
After that I found out that my getting hard had other 
benefits. I was trying to climb a poll on the carport. 
Suddenly I felt something I never felt before. I just held 
on with my legs wrapped around that pole for a long time, 
slowly rubbing up and down. I did that many times that 
summer until an old lady came out of her house and yelled 
at me calling me things I didn't know the meaning of. 
We moved to the Midwest then, 1960 Oklahoma was much like a 
New World from Philadelphia. My younger sister by 2 years 
was growing faster than I was. I could put some of her 
things on. But I liked little boy things: War, cowboys, and 
spies. Always, I was the hero, captured by the bad guys. 
Tied up and forced to put on women's clothes. Now I never 
heard of such a thing, so I don't know how I came up with 
We lived next to some woods. I would take some of my 
mother's underwear and my sister's clothes along with some 
rope. I had two places that I would go. Both were hard to 
see unless you were right up on it. I would play out the 
whole seen, right up till dressed; my unseen enemy would 
tie me to a tree. I would make a loop, put my hands in and 
then wrap the rest around my arms. I would hook my hands 
over a low hanging branch and hang there. 
One day, I found that the branch was to low. I found this 
other tree that had a part of one up about a foot higher 
than I could reach. I would climb up; hook my tied hands 
over and them let go, just hanging there. I was feeling I 
loved. I them found, as I was getting ready to climb down 
that as I wrapped my legs around the tree it unhook, my 
little member rubbed up on the tree. God it felt good. 
Dressed, tied to the tree and rubbing brought me to my 
first climax. I was scared. I didn't know what I did to get 
the shaky feeling and to get that stuff in my under ware. I 
didn't go back for a long while.
Latter that year, I was walking to school. It was my start 
in the 7th grade. Both boys and girls picked me on really 
bad. On this day John G., the school bully, said that if I 
showed up, he would send me home bloody. Along the way 
there was some homes that were to be torn down for 
something called the Cross Town Expressway. Instead of 
going to school, and getting a beating, I looked around the 
empty houses. Stuff was everywhere. In a pile of clothes, 
was a treasure. All kinds of women's clothes, from little 
lacy girl's things to mother's. It smelled of mildew, but I 
didn't care. I loved it. I undressed and put on the silky 
panties. But now, I could hook my bra like a pro, and then 
the garters. Slip and dress was the topping. No, wait 
shoes. I couldn't find any to fit. But there were other 
Many homes, with no one around. I looked around, didn't see 
anyone, and went next door. First, heaven. I found high 
heels to fit. But then a looking glass. I saw a boy dressed 
up in girl's clothes. My hair was about as short as you 
could get it. It didn't stop me from wanting to feel that 
feeling again. I found some rope, but nothing to hang on. 
Nothing that is but a door. Looking down at my legs, the 
dress road up to show my garters and hoes. The high heels, 
it was too much.
This kept up for the rest of the fall. That winter, it was 
to cold to go out there and now workers were tearing down 
my little dream home. But there is always more that one way 
to skin a cat. I now wanted more. But I still didn't know 
everything I was feeling. I had one to talk to, to ask 
anything. Sometimes I would wait till mom and dad were 
asleep, then I would go to my stash in the bottom drawer. 
Under my models. One complete outfit of mom's. I would put 
it on and always would up in the bathroom door. I found 
that if I opened up the mirror, I could see myself. 
One night couldn't wait. Mom had Johnny Carson on the TV. I 
got up and got dresses in her things. I love dresses that 
zip up the back. I found that if I take one of my socks, 
and stuff the top half in the bottom half, it looks like a 
breast. I would put them in the bra to fill them out. I was 
just zipping up her new dress when I herd mom coming. I 
quickly got back to bed under the covers. 
Mom came in, but didn't turn on the light. She asked what I 
was doing up. I told her I had to go to the bathroom.
"I didn't hear a flush, go flush the stool."
My heart was beating wildly.
"I don't feel well, will you do it?" I asked.
She never took her eyes off of me. "What are you warring?" 
she asked.
"Nothing." I replied meekly, and I hope sickly.
"Show me!" she asked.
I slipped one leg out form under the covers, hoping it 
would look like bare skin. Boy, did I have a lot to learn. 
Mom grabbed the covers back hard and there I was. 
"Get up!" she yelled.
She grabbed my arm and pulled me unto the living room. It 
was hard to keep up in heels without falling down. She 
looked at me up and down.
"Turn around." She said with not a little anger. As I did, 
I wanted to die. "Are you a queer?" she asked, "Why do you 
have my stuff on?"
Like all kids, only a "I don't know." could come out. She 
made me take each item of clothing off, right there in the 
living room.
"YOU wait till your father comes home!"
I did just that, only to face him asking the same old 
questions only a slap in-between each one.
"Get your ass to bed you fucking little fagot!" he yelled.
As I laid in bed, my face and bottom in pain, I heard them 
talking. I remember one thing she said.
"He looks better in that fucking dress than I do."
But it didn't stop me. I don't know why, I just couldn't 
stop. That spring, dad started to wall in the garage to 
make a game room. With both mom and dad working, I found 
lots of time to dress in there. The girls would never go in 
there, and my brother was always down the street playing. 
One day, I didn't have a dress on, but the bra, panties and 
hoes were lovely. I had just tied my hands and was hanging 
my self when Bobby walked in.
"Paul?" then stooped when he saw me.
I was just playing a game, I told him. I asked him, "Come 
on, you can to, here put this on." Holding out a bra.
"No way!" he said.
I picked up a slingshot and aimed it at him. "You put it on 
right now."
He looked at me. "Go ahead, shoot, I'm not putting them on. 
Why do you want me to put them on anyway?"
"I don't know, I guess I thought if you put something on, 
you wouldn't rat me out." I said.
"No way man, you're my friend, I would never do that to 
you. I won't tell anyone, I swear." Bobby said. "Go ahead, 
get dressed, I'll wait outside. But hurry, we're going to 
the movies and we are going now."
I hurried and just put a shirt and jeans over my undies, 
grabbed my shoes and ran out the door. I did remember to 
take the socks out of the bra. I put on my shoes and ran 
next door. They were just getting in the car. Bobby looked 
at me, but didn't say anything. In the movies, we were 
sitting down in front. He asked me why I did it. I couldn't 
tell him. I told him it felt good. So good.
"You still have them on don't you?" He asked looking at me 
up and down.
"Well, you didn't give much time to change did you?" I 
"Can I feel?" and before I could say a word he felt my 
breast through my bra. "Cool, it's okay, I won't tell. You 
can to it around me, just no dresses, okay?"
"Deal." I said, and nothing else was said.
The only time he brought it up, we were going to climb up 
on the garage he told me, "You better go in and take off 
you hose, you'll get a run in them." I could figure out how 
he knew until I looked down and saw that I had a hole in my 
jeans and you could see the tops of my hose.
I had spent the night over at his house many times since he 
caught me, and it was never brought up, and I never had any 
thing on. One thing we would do was he would steal his 
brother's Playboys. We would look at them and generally act 
like two young teenage boys learning about sex. This time, 
there was a Christmas cartoon showing a Cross Dresser, 
putting on his makeup singing "Now we don our gay apparel".
Bobby looked at me, "Hay, he's like you."
"No way!" I said, "I'm not a queer."
"Yes but, you would like to have that on wouldn't you?" he 
said, pointing to a lovely young thing, a Red Teddy on as 
she lay back on white satin sheets.
I got embarrassed. "No man, let's not talk about it."
Latter that day, Bob called and asked me if I wanted to 
stay the night. I said sure. I changed clothes, and ran 
next door.
We watched TV and he said, "Come on, let's go to bed."
We went to his room and started to play.
"Sorry." He asked, "I have something for you." He got up 
and reached under his bed and pulled out a wad of clothes. 
"I thought you would like this. They belong to my sister."
His sister was just out of school and more than a little 
wild. All black. I thought this stuff was only seen in 
His mom rapped on the door, "Okay boys, time to go to bed."
He got up. "I have to go to the bathroom, put them on and 
get in bed. You let me see and feel your sister, I want you 
to have fun too."
One night when he spent the night, we sneaked in to my 
sister's room, and I slowly unbuttoned her top while she 
slept. When I opened her top to show him her breasts, he 
slowly felt them. He leaned over and started to suck on 
one. When she did move he reached up and grabbed the back 
of my head and gently pulled me down to the other one. We 
both were getting hot. We both got up when Carol shifted. 
Her breasts were still in view. He pulled down his shorts 
and started to rub himself. He motioned for me to do it 
too. Although I had made myself come many times, I had 
never used my hand. It felt good and soon, we both came. 
But some landed on her breast.
"Oh shit, when that dries, it will hurt. She will know and 
then so will your mom." He whispered.
"I don't have a wet rag to wipe it off. If I run water, it 
will wake up mom."
"You better do something quick, it will dry and shrink. It 
will feel like someone pinching her nipple."
I didn't know better so I believed him.
"What do I do?" I pleaded.
"It has to be wet to get it all off." He looked at me and 
said, "If you Lick off, that should do it, just be careful 
not to like it too much, you might wake her up."
I leaned over and put my mouth over her nipple. I had heard 
it tasted salty, but this was tangy. Just then she stirred. 
We both almost ran out of her room. Carol never said 
anything and we never heard about it.
We both sat in Bobby's room and talked about Carol's chest, 
he told me to go ahead and put the clothes on, "You know 
you want to."
He was right. One thing I found out about me is it was a 
real thrill to dress up, but something was missing. I could 
look like a girl; act like a girl, but I couldn't go out in 
the real would like a girl. It was like a hollow world. 
Make believe. Like little girls dressing up like Mommie. 
But as I looked at the pile of clothes, I know I would do 
it. Here, I got to dress, and be with someone. Booby acted 
like he was real concerned about my happiness.
I quickly undressed. I picked up the panties, all black 
with red trim. So soft. I pulled them on, put the top on. 
It was different that any I had put on before. I didn't 
know anything about waist clinchers or the like. It was 
strapless, with about a dozen hooks in the front. The 
garters were attached to it. I moved it around to get it 
about were it should go and pulled on the hose. I had never 
put on fishnet hose before. My hair had been growing some 
and was just over my ears. 
Bobby walked in and stopped. "Wow Paul, you look like a 
girl. Here," He held out his hand. He had a bright red 
lipstick. "If you're going to do it, you might as well do 
it right."
I puckered my lips like I saw my mom do, and then dabbed my 
lips on a tissue. We sat on his bed and Bobby got out his 
hidden stash of his brother's books. In one of them, we saw 
a girl with an outfit similar like the one I was wearing. 
She was in bed with a guy. We laughed at it and Bobby 
leaned over and held me like the couple in the photo. 
I looked at one scene with a girl in bed with a guy on top 
of her. She had her legs around him and her head was tilted 
back. For the first time I wondered what it would be like.
Bobby said at that moment, "I wonder what it would be like 
with a girl?"
He started to hug me and feel me but. We didn't go any 
farther; it was all too new to us. We couldn't be 13 at the 
time if we did get carried away. It was all in fun, and it 
wasn't long we were acting up a little too loud. A moment 
latter came a rap on the door and his mom opened the door.
"Boys, I said go to bed, if you don't quiet down, I'll send 
Paul home."
I was so happy she couldn't see me from there. 
We quickly turned off the light and went to bed. I was up 
agonized the wall on my side and Bobby was in front of me.
"That was close hush?" I asked him.
"If she came in just a little more she would have really 
sent me home." 
"I wouldn't like that." Bobby said. "Hay, do you have a 
girl friend?"
"No," I said, "you know I'm not very popular with girls."
"Listen Paul, we play allot, but the one thing I want more 
than anything is a girl friend. Could we pretend you're my 
girl friend tonight?"
I liked Bobby, and I felt sorry for him, but something else 
was in play. I didn't understand most of what I was 
thinking and feeling. 
"I don't want to feel like a dork when I get a girl, I 
would like to act like I know what I'm doing. Can I try 
something?" He asked.
"Like what" I replied, just a little worried.
"Can we really pretend like we were in love?"
"No way Bob, I'm a guy and not a queer." I said.
Looking back now, I think I wanted to, but image. You know? 
"Oh come on. No one will know." He pleaded.
I softened, and right then he put his arm around me and 
pulled me to him. I laid my head on his shoulder and was 
content. Just holding me felt good. It felt right. He asked 
me how it felt as he was moving his hand. I never saw it 
coming, but he was feeling my breast before I knew it. I 
rolled over to tell him I didn't think this was right but 
as I rolled over, he kissed me. I was surprised, but soon I 
was caught up in the heat of passion. 
We were soon moving out hands all over each other. By 
accident, I found his cock. I was going to move my hand 
away, but the look on his face. Such pleasure on his face. 
He wasn't looking at me. One thing that he did to me that 
felt great was suck on my neck. I started to suck on his 
neck as I pumped his cock. Soon he moaned and came all over 
me. As he came down, I was still hard as a rock.
"Go ahead, do your self, I can't right now and it would be 
neat to watch. Sit up so I can see, okay?" 
I sat up and started to pump my own little cock. It wasn't 
long till I shot out hard. A big glob hit my mouth and the 
rest on the bed and wall behind me. I started to wipe it 
Bobby said. "No, wait, don't move." I looked over and he 
was already hard and pumping. "Wow, that is so wild, now 
please Paulie, don't wipe it off, lick it off, slowly, 
I did it for him. I realized that it wasn't that bad. I 
mean, it wasn't a turn on for me, but it was a real turn on 
to see Bobby turned on by me.
I licked up that glob and Bobbie looked at me, "Paula, you 
are my girl friend, could you please help me?"
I knew what he wanted but I couldn't. I just used my hand 
again. As I leaned over to get to him, Bobby grabbed my 
head and pulled my head down to his cock. It was so sudden 
that I went over, not fighting it. I thought, okay, I think 
I want to do this. My face was just about six inches when 
he erupted all over my face and in my mouth. 
I cleaned up, changed clothes and we went to sleep. The 
next day Bobby never said a word, but when I got home, mom 
told me to go wash up, my mouth was stained red from candy. 
What she didn't know...
The next week, Bobby asked if I could stay the night. I 
didn't know, but he talked me into it.
"Please Paul, please?"
"Okay." I said.
That night, just like the week before, he had the clothes. 
But this time he had make up. I didn't look very good on my 
first time, but it looked good to me. His mom and dad were 
out till late, so we had the house to ourselves. He had a 
hot little dress his sister had that looked hot. Bright red 
velvet. Long sleeves and real short. With the black undies 
and red heels, it was an outfit to die for. 
We were sitting on the sofa watching TV arm is arm, like a 
young boy and girl when in came his brother. Tim was older, 
about 16 or so. A real tough guy.
"Well, well, well, what have we got here. My little brother 
and his girl friend."
At first I thought Tim didn't know who I was and I muttered 
something about I had to go.
"Go ahead and go if you want. But you're walking out like 
that." Tim sneered, "I'll bet the school would love to know 
all about you, the queer next door." 
I knew I was had. Bobby never looked at me or said a word. 
Tim came over and sat next to me. As he put his arm around 
me he looked over at Bobby.
"You better just go on to bed, me and your girl friend are 
going to become real good friends. You will thank me when 
the next time you two make love."
As Bobby left the room, he looked over at me, "Sorry, he 
found out and said he would beat the shit out of me if I 
said a word."
With that, he left me alone with Tim.
Tim started to feel me up but not with the tender care 
Bobby did. "Come on bitch, get going, I don't have all 
He pulled down his paints and with no underwear, his cock 
stood out, hard. Much larger than Bobby's member, his cock 
was odd looking. He grabbed my head and pulled me to his 
cock. I tried to get up and he started to slap me. He hit 
me time and time again. Just then there was a loud bang. I 
went down to the floor. When I looked up, I saw Tim, face 
down on the floor. Bobby over him with a baseball bat.
Bobby grabbed my arm and pulled me up, "Come on let's get 
out of here before he gets up." We just ran.
There was an old motel not far away, Old 66 Motel I think, 
or something like that. West Tulsa has some small places on 
old route 66. We were standing out in fount when an old 
woman came out and asked us if we were okay. Well, two 
kids, out at 11 O'clock at night wasn't something you saw 
around there. I had been crying, my make up smeared. Bobby 
looked over to her.
"My mom and Dad are out of town and my brother started to 
beat my sister and I, we ran away."
"You poor dears," she said, "do you want me to call the 
"No mam," I said quickly, "it has happened before, we will 
just find someplace to hide for the night and we'll go home 
tomorrow when they get home."
Bobby added, "This has happened before. Boy, dad will beat 
the tar out of him for this."
"Do you have anywhere to go, can I call anyone for you?" 
she asked.
"No mam, we'll be okay." Bobby said.
"Nonsense!" the lady said, "I have plenty of room, come in 
here." Inside, she gave us a room key. "Don't tell anyone I 
did this kids. I could get into allot of trouble. But I 
think it's okay, what with your being brother and sister 
and all."
"Yes mam, and thank you." Bobby said as he took the key.
"Wait here Hun," the lady said as she went out the back of 
the office. She came back in with a cute nightie, "here 
honey, this was my granddaughters, but she has out grown 
it. You need something to sleep in. The room had two beds. 
Have a good night. Just leave the key on the night stand."
We walked out to find the room. The place only had about 20 
or 30 rooms. Not hard to find. I slipped on the gravel. I 
forgot I still had heels on. Bobby put his arm around me.
Tiring to make me feel better he said, "Well, first time I 
ever took a girl to a motel, is this you first time here 
with a boy, or do you do this all the time?"
I swung at him, but was just glad he had been there.
We unlocked the door and got in. First thing Bobby did was 
pick up the phone. "Mam, I had better let my older brother 
know that we are okay, but I won't tell him were we are. He 
will get real worried. Yes, thank you, you too, good 
night." In a few moments. "Tim? Bobby. We won't be coming 
home to night. Tell mom we went over to Paul's. If you say 
a word, or do anything to us, we will both tell everyone in 
school you tried to dress Paul up in a dress to make love 
to him because you like little boys." With that, he hung 
"Thanks Bobby," I said.
"No problem, it's the least I can do for my girl." He said 
as he sat down on the bed with me.
With that, we both broke down laughing. I was still shaking 
and Bobby came over and held me.
"It's okay, it's over now."
It felt so good in his arms, I looked up at his face and he 
kissed me. Not hard, but slowly and with care. It felt 
right and I put my arms around him and soon we were on the 
bed kissing and feeling each other. Learning more that 
night than in a life before. 
Still dressed, he was hard, and I really wanted to do 
something for him, so I slowly move down. I looked at his 
small cock, and kissed it. I then put it in my mouth. I was 
able to take the whole thing since it was so small.
He stopped me and said, "Paula, I love you, and I want this 
to be our honeymoon. I want to do for you as well as you 
for me."
With that, he spun around and we were in a 69. I came 
first. He pulled off just as I started to come, but he kept 
on pumping with his hand. I kept his cock in my mouth. I 
wanted to find out what it was all about. Soon Bobby came. 
I swallowed all I could. We both went in to the bathroom to 
clean up I weren't feeling self-conscience any more. I 
really felt like a girl with her man.
I dressed in the nightgown and climbed in to our bed. Wow, 
our bed. As we lay there, bobby had his arms around me 
soon; we were back at it.
"Can I fuck you sweetheart?"
I didn't say anything. I just moved around on my back. 
Bobby got on top and we made love. After a short while, he 
reached down and grabbed his cock, guiding it to my hole. 
It wouldn't go in and it hurt.
After a few tries, I told him. "Bobby, it won't go in. It 
"Wait, I have an idea."
With that, he spit in his hand and put it all over his 
dick, then he tried again. This time, it started to go in. 
I'm glad he was so small, it hurt like hell, but soon Bobby 
was on top of me, fucking away. Soon, real soon, he came. I 
could really feel it. I'll never forget my first honeymoon. 
The felling of his member in me. The wonderful felling that 
I brought such pleasure to him. 
Well next Monday, it was all over school, I was a queer 
that tried to come on to Tim, and been fucking Bobby for a 
year. To say that things were not fun was, well you can 
guess. But I don't think anyone believed it. But Dad had to 
transfer to Va. A new start for me. 
Things didn't change for me. But I had my own bedroom in 
the basement. I dressed every night. Then came the night 
Martin L. King was killed. Mom and Dad were out of town and 
I wasn't going to go to school. I dressed up, put my make 
up on. I had rolled my hair the night before, so I had 
started to brush it out when mom came in. I never heard 
them come in.
She just stood there and all she could get out was, "Even 
my earrings?"
Dad yelled down, "What the hell is going on?"
Mom told me to get out of the dress and wash my face, 
quickly. Then she told Dad that I was home sick, to go to 
town and get the other kids.
Mom asked me what was going on. I told her the same thing 
every boy has told his mom, "I don't know."
"Well, get my dress off quick. Your father would kill you 
if he saw you now." She told me.
I had trouble getting the zipper so she told me to hold on 
and she unzipped me. I pulled it off and started to pull 
off the bra.
"Hold on," she said, "we don't have time. Get your face 
clean and wet your hair. Just pull in some paints and a 
shirt, you father will be back in a minute."
I did what she said, and thought I would change before he 
got back. But Mom was right. Dad got back before I could 
get my hair brushed out. But it wasn't to bad, I thought. 
Dad was in to big a hurry to get the guns and stuff in the 
car. You see, we only lived 16 miles from Washington DC, 
and the Blacks were already starting their riots. We were 
going back to Levittown Pa. To stay with friends. When we 
got there, I met Lewis for the first time in ten years. 
Lewis was my age and was my best friend back then, but as 
you know, Tom Wolf said it best, "You can't go home again."
I went it to his room to change before anyone could before 
anyone could guess. He came in just after that and saw the 
bra there on the floor, but never said anything. But he 
didn't act like my old friend. It was close. Mom never 
brought it up.
As time went on, I joined the Navy. I only dressed up once. 
After I got out, I moved back home. I felt it was behind 
me. But it is never like that. I started once more, but not 
very far, just underwear.
I got married, and tried to live a normal life. I sometimes 
would put Karen's clothes on. It helped when we worked odd 
hours. I would but on her underwear, then I would play with 
myself until I came. One day, I did that, and then fell 
She walked in and found me in her bra. "What the hell is 
going on?"
I didn't have an answer to give her, and she dropped it. 
But we did get divorced a few years later. I then started 
to dress more. Over the next eight years, I tried to raise 
my son, and find happiness. I went to night school. I used 
to laugh as I was standing there in a suit and tie, with 
lacy underwear on. As I left school, I would stop around 
the corner, put on make up on and change to a dress. I 
loved driving home dressed.
Once, I was driving home and saw a young man with his thumb 
out. "What the hell." I thought. "What can he do?"
I stopped to pick him up. He said thanks and he jumped in, 
most likely glad to get a ride at 11:00 at night in the 
winter. I told him no problem. 
Now, let me say, I can't pass. No way. I'll give him this, 
he never batted an eye. I asked him where he was going. 
"Oklahoma City Mam." he said. 
That did it, I took him to Oklahoma City, over a 100 miles. 
Why? Like I told him, he treated me like a lady. We talked 
about things there, we stopped and he went in and bought me 
a hamburger and coke. He asked my name and I became 
I dropped him off had he said, "Thanks Jennifer, you're 
real sweet."
Then I got married again. But this time I told her right 
off the bat. I like to dress up. I was cool with her until 
we were married a few years. After 12 boy friends, I 
divorced her. 
But this one is very hateful and vengeful. Now everyone 
knows. My kids, her folks, some of our friends. She made 
sure of that. We fought many times. But Juanita found out 
something. When I was Paul, I was hateful. When I was 
Jennifer, I was much more understanding, mellower to her. 
Many times she would call up when fighting and ask to come 
over to talk to Jenny about this fight.
But after I got my own place, I dressed whenever I could. 
Sometimes I would go out at night and pay a bill in the 
night drop. But one night, I decided to go to an adult 
store and get a toy. 
I dressed down. I had my wig and make up, but I put on 
slakes and a blouse. A coat with a hood topped it off. I 
was so scared. I went in at 11 at night. Only two customers 
there. I picked out a nice one and went up to pay for it. I 
was so scared. I had on fake nails and I fumbled with the 
As I went out to the car, a man stepped up, but not to 
close. "Mam?" he said. "I saw you in there and I was 
wondering, would you like to sit with me and watch a 
Okay, I didn't know what to do, but something in me wanted 
to say yes. I told him, "Don't go thinking someting is 
going to happen, but yes, I will."
We went to my place. He put in his tape. I went in to 
change. I put on a very short skirt and came in and sat 
next to him. As we watched some chick sucking some guy off, 
he, acting like a 15 yr. old, slowly put his arm around me. 
As we watched the porn movie, he asked if he could touch my 
breast. I didn't say anything and he slowly, very gently 
cupped his hand around my breast. He told me that they felt 
so real. 
Soon, we were kissing. I'm a non-smoker, and he was. The 
smell, plus his man smell. His one day beard growth. His 
hand worked its way up my dress and I was in heaven. As he 
kissed on me, I felt too wonderful. I couldn't believe what 
I was doing. I worked down his paints, and looked at his 
cock. I went down and started to kiss it. I thought them, I 
want him to fuck me. I let him into my mouth. It was so 
sweet. I tasted his pre cum. But I wanted him in me. I 
still remembered the sweet times with Bobby. We went up-
stairs. I pulled down his paints and sucked him some more. 
Then I got on my hand and knees. But he had been taking 
drugs. He couldn't get hard enough. He was so ashamed he 
left. Shit!
I then meet someone on the web. A young guy about 18. I was 
47 then. I was dressed up, and he asked if I would loan him 
some clothes. I did. Soon, I was sucking him. I sucked him 
till I felt him explode in my mouth. God yes. I sucked 
every drop. While I had him in my mouth, I started to play 
with my self till I came.
That has been three years ago and I still dream of him. I 
did meat one girl, Tracy. I told her right up front about 
me. She said that she worked with a TS and had no problems 
about it. She lived with me for 8 months, before she found 
other interests.
She had also changed to, "Do what you want, I won't change 
you. But not around me." I wonder what part Jennifer played 
in this.
Now, here I sit. I stay dressed when I don't have to go out 
to work or when I don't have the kids. I hope to find that 
special someone. But I don't see a change. I think because 
of our society, a 'girl' will always be alone.