Your Feminine Alter Ego Needs a Backstory

You’ve got the wig. You’ve found the outfit. The makeup is done, the jewelry is on, and you’ve checked yourself in the mirror approximately 47 times.

But have you ever stopped to ask yourself one very important question?

Who exactly is this woman?

For many crossdressers, dressing is about far more than the clothing itself. There can be something wonderfully imaginative about creating your feminine self. The woman looking back at you in the mirror may dress differently than you do in everyday life, but perhaps she also acts differently. Maybe she’s more adventurous. More glamorous. More flirtatious. More sophisticated. Or maybe she simply has a lot more fun.

So we have an idea.

Give her a backstory.

Think of it as creating the lead character in a movie—except you get to play her.

Maybe you've already given your feminine self a name. For many crossdressers, that's one of the first steps in creating a feminine identity. But have you ever thought about why you chose that particular name? A name can conjure up an entire personality. Samantha might feel sophisticated. Roxie might be ready for trouble. Claire might be elegant and understated. Tiffany might have absolutely no intention of leaving the house without lip gloss.

Of course, she might also use your own name. Your feminine self doesn't necessarily have to be another person at all. She can simply be another version of you.

Now imagine that she has an entire closet of clothes that fit perfectly and absolutely no budget. What would she wear?

Would her closet be filled with slinky dresses and stilettos? Pretty blouses and jeans? Pencil skirts and pumps? Soft sweaters and leggings? Vintage lingerie? Sequins? Leather? Florals? Maybe she owns fourteen pairs of black heels that look suspiciously alike and will defend every single purchase.

That's where this exercise starts getting interesting, because you're no longer asking, “What women's clothing do I like?”

You're asking, “What's my style?”

And those are two very different questions.

Now give her somewhere to go.

If she could walk out the door tonight with absolutely no obligations and no concern about what anyone else thought, where would she be headed?

Perhaps she's having cocktails in an elegant hotel bar. Maybe she's going dancing. Maybe she's wandering through an art gallery in an outfit that's just a little overdressed for the occasion—and loving every second of it. Or perhaps her idea of the perfect afternoon is wearing a cute top, jeans and flats while wandering through the mall.

There is no requirement that femininity be glamorous.

In fact, discovering that can be incredibly freeing. Your feminine self can be glamorous one day, casual the next, sexy on Saturday night and happily running imaginary errands in leggings on Sunday morning.

Women get to have all of those versions of themselves.

So do you.

And don't forget the soundtrack.

What music is playing while she gets ready? Maybe it's Madonna, Lady Gaga, Diana Ross, ABBA or Taylor Swift. Maybe she's an unapologetic disco queen. Maybe she still believes the 1980s represented the absolute pinnacle of female glamour.

Create a playlist specifically for getting dressed.

Music has an amazing ability to change the experience. Suddenly you're not standing in your bedroom struggling to get an earring through the hole.

You're in the opening montage of your own movie.

There are other details to think about too—the ones that have nothing to do with how you look.

What perfume does she wear? What's her signature lipstick? Does she drink wine, champagne, Diet Coke or a dirty martini? Does she carry a tiny clutch that holds practically nothing or a handbag large enough to survive a three-day emergency?

Maybe she has one wonderfully ridiculous luxury. She sleeps in satin. She drinks champagne only from a proper champagne flute. She wears perfume to take out the garbage. She owns a glamorous robe whose sole purpose is making the journey from the bedroom to the kitchen feel more fabulous.

Give her something unnecessary.

Real life gives us plenty of practical things.

This is supposed to be fun.

But here's where our little game becomes something more interesting.

Think about how she behaves.

Is she more confident than you are? More outgoing? Does she smile at strangers? Does she walk into a room differently? Is she more playful? More sensual? Does she allow herself to be noticed instead of trying to disappear into the background?

What does she allow herself to do that you normally don't?

Because perhaps your feminine alter ego isn't entirely an alter ego.

Maybe she's permission.

Permission to be softer. Bolder. Sexier. More colorful. More expressive. More playful. More vulnerable. Or simply less concerned with what everyone else thinks.

And that's why we think every feminine alter ego deserves a proper backstory.

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💋 CREATE HER: Your Feminine Alter Ego Checklist

Don't overthink this. Your first instinct is probably the right one.

☐ Her name is: ______________________________

☐ Her age—or the age she feels—is: __________________

☐ Three words that describe her: ______________________________

☐ Her signature color is: __________________________

☐ Her absolute favorite outfit is: ______________________________

☐ Her must-have pair of shoes: ______________________________

☐ Her signature lipstick color: ______________________________

☐ Her perfume smells like: ______________________________

☐ Her getting-ready song is: ______________________________

☐ Her favorite drink is: ______________________________

☐ Her dream night out would be: ______________________________

☐ Her handbag always contains: ______________________________

☐ Her one completely unnecessary luxury is: ______________________________

☐ She feels most feminine when: ______________________________

☐ The thing she loves most about herself is: ______________________________

And finally, don't skip this one:

❤️ When I become her, I give myself permission to...

____________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________

You might be surprised by what you write.

Because somewhere between choosing her name, picking her lipstick and deciding where she'd go on Saturday night, you may realize something.

The wig didn't create her. The dress didn't create her. The heels, makeup and lingerie didn't create her either.

They may simply give her a way to come out and play.

Maybe you didn't invent her at all.

Maybe she was there all along.